Happy birthday!

D turned one on Monday. We were very excited that our little guy survived a whole year with us. I couldn’t let the day pass without thinking of the day little D joined our family…

After a long night of contractions that were too far apart to go the hospital but too close together to sleep, my water broke. Paul and I happily (because we knew they wouldn’t send us home) headed to the hospital at around 5:00 a.m. I was dilated to a five already and effaced 90 or 95%. They tested the amniotic fluid to make sure that that’s what it really was and found that D had pooped already, which he was not supposed to do until after he was outside of me. Once they found this out, they told me I was a good candidate for a C-section. When I heard that, I immediately requested an epidural – why risk it, right? If there was any chance that I would have to have surgery, I wanted it to be as smooth of a transition (from labor room to operating room) as possible. Yes, I was going to try to see how much of the labor I could endure au natural. Oh well! As soon as I was officially admitted and in my room, my contractions and progress in the labor arena slowed down dramatically, so much that the doctor ordered some Pitocin for me. I was really happy to get an epidural after that. The Pitocin made the contractions so much harder and faster that I didn’t have a break and it was incredibly painful! It was painful for Paul too because he was in charge of ramming his thumbs as hard as he could into my back each time I had a contraction so that I had somewhat of a distraction from the indescribable pain. (I could not have gotten as far in labor as I did without his thumbs.) Anyway, after the Pitocin was introduced into my IV, that epidural couldn’t come fast enough. It was sweet relief afterwards…that chilly fluid swimming in my spine. I could still feel the contractions after that, but they weren’t painful at all. I could tell when they were coming so I could get ready for the pushing. And there was a lot of pushing. I actually pushed for two and a half hours before the doctor gently recommended a C-section. Even with all of the great coaching and encouragement from the nurse, Paul, and my mom (who raced to the hospital from Nevada to be there!), Little D hadn’t moved at all the whole time – not at all. I was in tears at that point from the physical exhaustion of not sleeping combined with pushing, and I was really afraid of having a C-section – it’s major surgery! But there was no other choice. It was clear that the little guy was not going to come via the traditional route. So they wheeled me in to the operating room. Only Paul was allowed to be there with me so my mom joined my dad and brother in the waiting room. They prepped me and were starting to operate but Paul still wasn’t in the room! I kept asking where he was and so finally somebody went and got him. He got a lot of pictures of the surgery, which is cool and gross at the same time. Of course I couldn’t see any of the surgery but could only feel my body being jerked from side to side like a rag doll. After a while I heard the doctor asking another doctor for help getting D out. Apparently he was stuck in there pretty good from all of the pushing! They finally got him out at around 3:00 p.m. His little cry was such a miracle. Paul got to hold him first and brought him over to me. He said I should hold him but I was shaking so badly from all the meds and labor that I couldn’t! They found an infection in D’s blood and his breathing was a little faster than they would’ve liked, so he got sent to the Level II nursery. He went his way and I went mine. I didn’t even get to see him that whole day! He was actually in the Level II nursery the whole four days that we were there, which proved to be a challenge when it came to breastfeeding, especially since he was getting his nourishment from IVs the first couple of days. We didn’t even get to try breastfeeding until the second or maybe even third day after he was born. Nobody bothered to mention to me that I should have been pumping that whole time either. Fortunately, the pumping marathon I then endured paid off. The only problem now was that little D didn’t know how to suck. I believe the doctor’s exact words were “He has a weak suck.” We tried every possible position to get the little guy to eat, but nothing was working. We finally had to feed him my pumped milk with a syringe and tube while he was “latched on” so he would associate food with me! The day we had to check out things hadn’t gotten any better in the feeding department and so we were prepared to go home with a mess of syringes and tubes so D wouldn’t starve once we were home. I was scared and frustrated. We had a lactation consultant come in for one final consultation. She recommended we try nursing lying down, which we hadn’t done before. It worked! He latched on and ate on his own! No tubes or anything! I felt like it was really a miracle because it was literally minutes before we checked out.

The drive home from the hospital was very surreal. I didn’t know what to do with a baby. I had never changed a diaper before. Oh, and the surgery wound hurt like crazy. Our first weeks home (months actually) were filled with a lot of tears (me and D) and nervousness (me) and patience (Paul). My mom stayed with us for six weeks after D was born. I know for a fact that if she hadn’t we probably all would’ve died from starvation. She kept the family alive and did her best to comfort me and D.

I’ll be honest – this first year has not been an easy one. All of my emotions have been amplified way beyond what they were before. This includes happy feelings as well as sad ones. I have been more paranoid than I have ever been in my life during this last year. I have had more heartache than I have ever had in my life during this last year. I have had less sleep than I have ever had in my life during this last year. I have had more support than I have ever had in my life during this last year. I have had more love and happiness than I have ever had in my life during this last year.

Davis, your dad and I love you so much and we are so happy that you are part of our family! Happy birthday!